E.M. Markoff 5/2/20 E.M. Markoff 5/2/20

Tales for the Camp Fire 1-Year Anniversary: Our Wildfire Relief Charity Anthology of Short Horror Stories

Happy Saturday! I'm excited about today as it marks the 1-year anniversary of Tales for the Camp Fire!! Within one day of the ebook going live, the charity anthology I published reached #3 in Amazon's Best Sellers in Horror Anthologies, and the 100 print books I had taken to Bay Area Book Festival sold out!

During that launch weekend at the book festival, many readers shared their personal stories of how they or someone they knew had been devastated by the wildfire that tore through Paradise, CA in late 2018. The loss was heartbreaking. By the end of 2019, we raised $2,200 in profit and donated it to North Valley Community Foundation’s wildfire relief fund. All of this was possible because of the readers, authors, organizers, media outlets, and local bookstores who supported the charity anthology in one way or another. I'm very grateful and proud of this book because I and a lot of other people donated our time and labor to give back to the community.

Many thanks to Jonathan Maberry for blurbing the book (eekk! mind blown!!), Petersen Games for donating the awesome cover artwork, Deirdre Spencer for designing the cover, to the estate of Clark Ashton Smith for graciously donating a story, to Bram Stoker Award nominated author Loren Rhoads for stepping up as editor, to L.S. Johnson and Qamber Designs for taking on the ebook, to all the contributing authors who donated their stories, to author Ben Monroe for coming up with the idea of putting together a charity anthology, and to director and author Death's Parade Film Fest and Chad Schimke for going above and beyond to spread the word.

I feel very grateful to have been a part of this ❤ If you would like to help out and get a great collection of horror stories, you can find the anthology in print and ebook on Amazon. All profits from the sale of this anthology will be donated to Camp Fire relief and recovery efforts administered by the North Valley Community Foundation.

All the best,

EMM

*click on the images for the full picture

Originally posted on my Instagram @tomesandcoffee 5/2/2020. Minor edits were made to the text for the post. Additional photos were added.

Last Week This Friday: May 1, 2020 | Alameda NAS, Poppies, AI Memes, and More

So what is “Last Week This Friday”? It’s just me sharing what made me happy last week in the hopes it brings a laugh or that you discover something new <3 If you’re feeling inspired, leave a comment sharing what recently made you smile …

Today is International Workers’ Day and day 46 of sheltering in place in San Francisco. Sending love and solidarity to the workers of the world <3

The title for this post is 100% indebted to John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight. I love John Oliver and the way he delivers relevant information with tender loving care and a dash of wake-the-fuck-up. As a matter of fact, Last Week Tonight along with Asian Boss have had some on-point well-researched videos covering COVID-19 that I found very informative. Here’s a YouTube Playlist of the collected videos.

me at the goth club when this is all over pic.twitter.com/moAYA1Y0lf
— 𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖊 ☥ (@ddrrac) April 22, 2020

the year is 1348

you're moving hay into the stables as the lord commanded it

he has a festival tomorrow, and the horses need to be in peak form

suddenly

a rat looks at you funny pic.twitter.com/gWtu3pbpNP
— Brick (@NeuroBrick) April 19, 2020

I came across this new AI meme generator a few days ago, but I had to share it now as it had me laughing out loud at the absurd randomness of it all! Here are some of the memes I got:

And here are some pics I took last weekend while exploring the old Alameda Naval Air Station, which was shut down and largely abandoned in the early 90’s.

Much love,

EMM

Day 44 of Sheltering in Place in San Francisco: I Don't Want "Normal," I Want Better

It's day 44 of "sheltering in place" in San Francisco. I hope everyone is keeping safe as best they can <3 The shelter-in-place order for the Bay Area has officially been extended to the end of May with some restrictions slowly being lifted starting May 4. I've been thinking about how I keep wishing life would go back to the way it was “before.” But then I remind myself that the way things were before is the reason that so many are without any form of safety net right now and are struggling to survive …

“Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation.” | San Francisco street art

Despite the convention season being canceled and the loss of income that entails for me, I am in a fortunate position because I can still work from home, and the hub's job was thankfully not affected (for now, fingers crossed). But if his job had been cut, we would be screwed and insurance would be lost. I'm not the healthiest of people: I have chronic asthma, I've had three myomectomies, and I've had a nephrectomy to remove stage 2 renal cancer. I finished writing The Deadbringer while recovering and went on to write more stories and am currently working on a sequel because I had insurance that allowed me to be diagnosed and treated. If not, the cancer would have metastasized. Many were not so fortunate before COVID-19 and many more are not so fortunate now.

The other thing that has been on my mind is how immigrant workers are now considered "essential" whereas “before” they were deemed so inhuman that their children were taken and herded into camps. And even now, immigrant meatpacking workers are being forced to return to work in places like Iowa with threats of losing their unemployment insurance, despite huge outbreaks in those facilities. So no, I don't want things to return to normal, I want things to be better. I believe things can get better.

Stay safe and healthy, everyone <3

EMM

Originally posted on my Instagram @tomesandcoffee 4/29/2020. Minor edits were made to the text for the post.

Cinnamon Tea Recipe (Té de Canela): A Mexican Beverage in the Forthcoming Novel 'The Faceless God'

I’m very grateful to be able to work from home and have been keeping busy with working on the sequel to The Deadbringer. One of the chapters I was recently working on had a placeholder for a drink of some sort, and by placeholder I mean typing out the letters “XXX” or “YYY” …

One of the chapters I was recently working on had a placeholder for a drink of some sort, and by placeholder I mean typing out the letters “XXX” or “YYY” into the sentence until I figure out what to add in. Like my sweet corn beverage recipe from To Nurture & Kill, right off the bat I knew I wanted it to be a drink that is common in Mexican culture. After thinking out a few logistics, I decided to go with cinnamon tea or té de canela. Despite cinnamon not being native to Mexico, Ceylon Cinnamon or “True Cinnamon” is so often used in Mexican dishes and drinks that it’s referred to as Mexican Cinnamon.

Photo Credit: https://depositphotos.com/ | (Cinnamomum cassia) Chinese Cinnamon — Photo Credit: https://depositphotos.com/ | (*Cinnamomum cassia*) Chinese Cinnamon

(Cinnamomum verum) Ceylon Cinnamon or “True Cinnamon” aka Mexican Cinnamon — (*Cinnamomum verum*) Ceylon Cinnamon or “True Cinnamon” aka Mexican Cinnamon

I don’t remember when I first had it, but I must have been very young — cinnamon tea or té de canela has always been in my life. It was such a common drink growing up that I did not think twice about it or consider it a “Mexican drink.” Not until I was in college and tried my first cinnamon tea bag for conveniences’s sake did I realize that not all cinnamon tea was brewed the same. After a few more similar experiences with equally bland results, I began to realize why the cinnamon tea I grew up with was considered a Mexican drink. So today, I am going to show you how to make cinnamon tea exactly the way my mom taught me :)

One last note before I go into the recipe: All forms of cinnamon contain a chemical compound known as coumarin which is toxic to humans. While C. cassia has high levels of coumarin, Ceylon or Mexican Cinnamon (C. verum) “contains all of the health-promoting properties of cinnamon with none of the toxic properties.” Here is a great post breaking down the toxicity of the different types of cinnamon and which variety is the healthiest. The main way you can tell the difference between the two cinnamon types is by appearance (see above picture). In addition, Mexican cinnamon has a natural earthy sweetness that does not require sugar. I highly recommend you try it at least once without any sort of sweetener.

Onward to the recipe!

Ingredients:

Yields about 1.5 cups

1 Mexican Cinnamon stick

2 cups water

*Sugar or honey to taste

*Note: No sweetener of any type was used in this recipe

To a small pot, add the water + cinnamon stick. Close lid. On medium-low heat, slowly bring to a soft boil so the cinnamon stick can brew properly. This will take about 15-20 minutes.
- If using sugar, now is the time to add it.

After simmering, remove pot from heat. At this point, the water will take on an amber tint, but the tea is still not ready!
Let the water + cinnamon stick steep with the lid on for another 15-20 minutes. As the water cools, the cinnamon will begin to release its full flavor and the color will change from amber to golden red.
Note the color difference in the below pictures (left picture is before steeping, right picture is after steeping).

Finally, strain the tea and reserve the cinnamon stick. For hot cinnamon tea, simply reheat in the same pan or pour yourself a cup and reheat it in the microwave. For cold cinnamon tea, add ice to a tall glass or chill in fridge.
Sweeten if desired and enjoy!

Note: If the end result is too strong, add water to dilute the flavor.

Té de canela can be stored in the fridge for a couple of days, ready for you to enjoy cold or reheated, or add some to your cup of coffee, tea, or cocktail for a lovely warm kick.

Tag me on Instagram @tomesandcoffee if you make this drink or the sweet corn atole from To Nurture & Kill :) I know this version of cinnamon tea is a bit more time consuming, but as the smell, taste, and color great your senses, you begin to realize why it’s worth the effort.

I’m looking forward to sharing this drink with my readers in the forthcoming The Faceless God <3

Until next we meet,

EMM

Masks for Covid-19: Where to Donate in the Bay Area & Resources on How to Make Your Own Homemade Masks

It’s day 31 of “sheltering in place” in San Francisco. Dear reader, I hope wherever you are in the world that you and yours are staying safe and healthy. For those of us who can stay home let’s keep trying to do our best to help #flattenthecurve and keep our essential workers—healthcare workers, grocery workers, delivery workers, immigrant workers—safe.

4/21/20 Edit: San Francisco peeps! Beginning April 22, 2020 masks will be required to cover your face when shopping, taking transit, seeking healthcare, among other activities. The rule went into effect 4/17, but will not be enforced until 4/22. Masks with one-way exhalation valves do not comply with the order’s requirements. Despite protecting the wearer, droplets can escape from the mask’s valve and put those around you at risk.

Welcome back! It’s day 31 of “sheltering in place” in San Francisco. Dear reader, I hope wherever you are in the world that you and yours are staying safe and healthy. For those of us who can stay home let’s keep trying to do our best to help #flattenthecurve and keep our essential workers—healthcare workers, grocery workers, delivery workers, immigrant workers—safe. Let’s also do our best for those who can’t afford to stay home. Everyone has a role to play; we’re in this together.

To that end, I’ve put together some links on how to make your own homemade non-medical masks and where to donate them as well as much needed PPE supplies. A caveat before I continue: I am not a medical professional, and information with respect to COVID-19 is still unfolding. Please do your own research as staying informed helps dispel harmful misinformation.

I know it’s not easy taking in the latest news about COVID-19, or how people are being racist, or how so many have lost their jobs or are facing eviction from their homes, and not have it negatively affect your mental health. The rage, depression, anxiety, fear, guilt that assails me when I read the news can leave me feeling rather bleak and set a dark mood for the rest of the day. To help keep my days productive, I’ve started leaving the news for the evening and talk the events through with the hub so I’m not alone with my thoughts. It isn’t foolproof, but being able to verbally vent has helped my mental health. I’m also learning to be kinder to myself on days I do fall apart, because sometimes falling apart is what it takes to get back up.

Where to Donate PPE & Homemade Masks

If you decide to make your own masks with the intention of donating:

First check to see where masks might be needed in your area
Contact the location to see how they want the mask sown as the facility may favor a pattern or construction (2-ply versus 3-ply)

The grassroots collective website Make Masks helps you identify which areas in your state need homemade masks and how many are being requested. There is also Mask Match whose aim is to “send your masks to healthcare workers without leaving your house.” Per their website as of the date of this post, Mask Match accepts medical grade filtration masks, all surgical masks, and homemade masks. They even have a handy G-doc guide for best practices for sewing and links to other homemade mask resources.

For San Francisco and the surrounding Bay Area, many hospitals are also accepting donations and list on their website which supplies they are and aren’t accepting and where to drop them off. Some of the hospitals accepting supplies include:

UCSF
Chinese Hospital
In Berkeley, Councilwoman Rashi Kesarwani has a site where to donate PPE
This KQED article, updated 4/13, has an extensive list of hospitals accepting donations. They even have a useful “Map View” that allows you to see at a glance where you can donate supplies in the Bay Area.

If you prefer not to drop off supplies at a hospital, this article on Hoodline lists local businesses (and even the Oakland Public Library) that are accepting masks with the intention of donating them to the hospitals.

4/21 Edit: Masks with a one-way exhalation valves are not recommended as they do not block the transmission of COVID-19. They protect the wearer, but not the people around you, thus putting them at risk.

How to Make Your Own Mask

For those of you talented with needle and thread, this video by Angela Clayton takes you step-by-step on how to sew your own mask. Here’s a different link for those who prefer to read their instructions (scroll down to the bottom of the post for the instructions).

For those of us who can’t sew, myself included, here is a video by Asia Jackson showing you step-by-step how to transform a piece of cloth or bandana into a DIY face mask. Here’s a different link for those who prefer to read their instructions.

I hope this post was helpful in some way. Stay safe and healthy everyone <333

Until next we meet,

EMM

E.M. Markoff 4/9/20 E.M. Markoff 4/9/20

A Bookish Playlist for To Nurture & Kill

Gritty heroes, blood-soaked promises, and family bonds put to the test.

It’s day 24 of “sheltering in place” in San Francisco as the State attempts to help #flattenthecurve. Had Covid-19 not struck, I would be traveling down to Anaheim, CA for a weekend of vending and geeking out at WonderCon. The cancelation of WonderCon and subsequent conventions means lost income for me, but everyone’s health and safety comes first. More than anything, I want to see the faces of the readers I have met at conventions again, which means doing my part by staying home.

As a indie author, all I can offer is some form of entertainment while I keep working toward completing The Faceless God. I’ve gone deeper and deeper into the world with each draft and subsequent revision. It’s like the David Lynch quote I included in yesterday’s Twin Peaks 30th anniversary post: “I think that’s one of the great things about a continuing story: that you can go in, and go deeper and deeper and deeper. You begin to feel the mystery, and things start coming.”

A playlist of the music that inspired the dark fantasy novella by E.M. Markoff, TO NURTURE & KILL. The songs are in order and can be played while reading. Or...

While I continue diving further into the world of the Ellderet, I wanted to share a playlist I made back in 2017 for To Nurture & Kill. These are the songs that “made it” to the final draft of the story, the ones that when I listen to them I see myself in my mind’s eye writing the scenes. Most of the songs are instrumental, although a few have lyrics.

Let me know if you’ve read To Nurture & Kill or if any of the songs strike a chord!

We’re living in strange times. Let’s all be kind to each other, and don’t be racist.

See you soon,

EMM

More To Nurture & Kill Posts

E.M. Markoff 4/8/20 E.M. Markoff 4/8/20

Happy 30th Anniversary Twin Peaks! Or, My Non-English Speaking Mom's Love of Surrealism

twin-peaks-30th-anniversary-black-white-photography.jpg

Hello!

It's day 23 of "sheltering in place" in San Francisco. With all the shit that had been going on, it was nice to escape for a bit into a world that has most definitely inspired me: Twin Peaks. Thank you @kyle_maclachlan and @madchenamick!! ☕️🥧Today's the 30th anniversary of the show and David Lynch is one of my favorite directors. Surrealism is a valid way to explore realism, and I feel that Twin Peaks did just that.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about why my mom enjoyed classic horror and surreal films/TV despite not knowing English. Some of the things she introduced me to included The Twilight Zone—although, she was terrified of Rod Serling because she once dreamt his head was speared onto an antler—Hammer Horror films, the Roger Corman Edgar Allan Poe adaptions, Universal Monsters, Dark Shadows (1991 version), and more. Since the hub and I have been on a bit of a classic movies kick, I've come to the conclusion that despite the language barrier, she was able to enjoy these films because they relied on more than dialogue. They relied heavily on body language and atmosphere, facial expressions that clearly conveyed the moment, and sets or imagery that allowed her to truly be a part of that world without needing to understand a single word. And Twin Peaks was one of those such shows. Are you a Twin Peaks or a David Lynch fan? <3

And now for a bookish excerpt:

🎣Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity by David Lynch🎣

"I love going into another world, and I love mysteries. So I don't really like to know very much ahead of time. I like the feeling of discovery. I think that's one of the great things about continuing a story: that you can go in, and go deeper and deeper and deeper. You begin to feel the mystery, and things start coming.”

Definitely the way I'm feeling about The Faceless God 💙✍️

Let's all do our best to look out for one another. Stay safe and healthy, everyone🌻

Originally posted on my Instagram @tomesandcoffee 4/8/2020. Minor edits were made to the text for the post. Videos and external links were added.

E.M. Markoff 2/17/20 E.M. Markoff 2/17/20

Mexica New Year 2020: The Year of Chicyei (8) Tecpatl (Flint)

3/11/2020 NOTE: Mexica New Year in San Jose has been canceled to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus. Read the official organizer statement.

Photo Credit | https://www.aztecadancers.com/

Mexica New Year is nearly here, and I will FINALLY be able to attend the celebrations in San Jose, CA! Unfortunately, the past two new years (Chicoace Tochtli/6 Rabbit and Chicome Acatl/7 Reed), FogCON has fallen on the same weekend as the celebrations. Calpulli Tonalehqueh’s celebrations are held in San Jose while FogCON is in Walnut Creek … not an easy trek. Also, did I mention I got sick just in time for last year’s FogCON?

Thankfully, because I live in a city with a strong Latinx culture that is proud of its indigenous roots and celebrates it to the fullest, I was able to attend Mexica New Year 7-Acatl in San Francisco. I am talking about the Mission, of course. Sadly, because of ongoing gentrification, communities of color and local shops are being pushed out of the neighborhood and city.

“Latin culture is part of San Francisco culture,” says [Silvia Ferrusquia]. “When we go, the Mission is not the Mission anymore. If everyone goes, it’s just one more city in the whole U.S. — and it’s boring. Who cares about San Francisco if it’s not San Francisco?”

— Nuala Sawyer Bishari at SF Weekly

Not only did I attend, but I was fortunate enough to help set up the altar alongside so many others. I learned a lot that day. These spaces and celebrations exist in San Francisco because of the Latinx community. Without them, there would not be a 13th Annual Mexica New Year in San Francisco.

I’m looking forward to celebrating 8-Tecpatl in San Francisco on March 11 and in San Jose on March 14-15 💙

Sweet Corn Atole Recipe: The Mexican Beverage that Appears in ‘To Nurture & Kill’

Hello!! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday. It’s a cold and rainy day in San Francisco as I write this post. The Assistant is sitting in his chair beside me, buried under a blanket because the room that is my office doesn’t really heat up …

“Kira took a huge gulp of his own drink, which was made of finely ground corn, milk, and sugar. ‘My dwink is the best.’”

— To Nurture & Kill

The holidays are bittersweet for me, as I’m reminded of my mom and the countless hours we would spend making food. In that tradition, the husband and I made chicken mole chatino. And yes, it’s true what they say about Mexican mole: it does tend to have a lot of ingredients and steps, but the end result is always worth it. The other recipe that I made was the sweet corn drink that little Kira enjoys during the Corn Festival in To Nurture & Kill.

When thinking of the dishes and drinks to include in To Nurture & Kill, I naturally tapped into my own culture’s cuisine. Corn, or maize, is the heart of Mexican cooking, and so in the world of the Ellderet it is the staple crop of the southern half of Moenda, especially Florinia.

“They were natural mazes, mazes forged of rows of plowed dirt and leafy walls carrying the divine kernals that would nourish the people through the winter.”

— To Nurture & Kill

The sweet corn drink enjoyed by Kira during the Corn Festival is a Mexican drink known as atole. The foundation of most atoles is usually masa harina, milk, sugar, and spices like Mexican cinnamon and vanilla. Some variations add fruit, fresh corn, or chocolate and piloncillo (champurrado) to the atole.

My version uses masa harina and fresh corn, since the beverage enjoyed by Kira in the book takes place during the Corn Festival that is held every year in Florinia at the beginning of the harvest season. Corn aplenty, y’all. You can also expect to see atole make an appearance again in the forthcoming The Faceless God. And this time, not only will you know what the characters are drinking, but you’ll also know how this warm and luscious drink is made. Plus, for a behind-the-scenes look at how the beverage was made, check out my IG Story Highlights!

Let me know if you’ve had this drink before and if you decide to make it yourself tag me on Instagram @tomesandcoffee :) I’m a bit slow with responses, but if you have a cooking question, please feel free to ask and I will answer it asap.

Now, off with you to the corn fields, dear, and pray that you reach their end without being bitten by a tezca snake. I hear that it’s a terrible way to die.

Ingredients:

6 fresh corn ears

1 cup water

1/4 - 1/2 sugar, or to taste

4 cups milk

2 Mexican cinnamon sticks

1-2 tablespoons of masa harina

*1 tablespoon corn scratch (if you can’t find masa harina)

To a medium pot, add the water + cinnamon sticks. On low to medium-low heat, slowly infuse the water until it’s tinted a deep red. Add sugar to taste and dissolve. Remove the pot from heat, add 2 cups of milk, and set aside. Move on to preparing the corn.

1-atole-maiz-ellderet-bookish-recipe-dune-instagram.jpg

0-atole-maiz-ellderet-bookish-recipe-cinnamon-water-instagram.jpg

Remove the husk and silk from your 6 ears of corn. Discard those, then rinse the ears, dry them, and carefully remove the kernels without offering up a finger to the Faceless God.

Add half of the kernels + 1 cup of milk to a blender. Blend to a smooth consistency. Add the remaining kernels + 1 cup of milk and repeat.
Place a fine mesh sieve over a bowl or pot. Pour the blended corn + milk mixture into the sieve, gently helping to push the liquid through with the back of a wooden spoon. Make sure to sieve and squeeze out as much of the liquid as possible. This will take a good 10 minutes.
Over medium-low heat, cook your mixture for 30-40 mins. Do not boil. At this stage, you will have to repeatedly stir to prevent the milk from burning/sticking to the bottom of the pot. Bouts of existentialism might occur as you stir stir stir away your life. Fun times for all!!!

After 15-20 minutes of cooking, proceed to the next step while continuing to cook. Dissolve 1-2 tablespoons of masa harina in a small bowl with a bit of the corn-milk mixture from the cooking pot. It will remain kinda clumpy, but that’s okay. Now, sieve the mixture into the pot while using the back of your wooden spoon to help push the masa harina clumps through the sieve. If you still have clumps hanging around in your sieve, ladle some of the milk-corn mixture and repeat the above step until most of it is gone. Discard whatever clumps/grains remain. This step is super important! You want to make sure your atole is smooth. You don’t want to piss off the Faceless God with grainy atole. Unless, of course, you want to …
1. *ALTERNATIVELY: Dissolve corn starch in a bit of cold water and then slowly pour and stir the mixture into the pot. If you can’t find or don’t like the taste of the nixtamalization process (calcium hydroxide), then use corn starch. Masa harina is what was used in To Nurture & Kill, and I personally love the taste.

Continue cooking and stirring over low heat until the atole thickens to the consistency of hot chocolate. Remove from heat when done.
Serve warm in a cup, grab a book and blanket, and settle in for comforting goodness.

Note: If your atole becomes too thick for your taste, warm up some milk and slowly stir it into the pot (or cup) until it becomes the consistency you want. This will dilute the corn flavor, but I feel that enjoying the texture of your drink is important.

Cheers!

EMM

More To Nurture & Kill Posts

E.M. Markoff 10/1/19 E.M. Markoff 10/1/19

Guest Post: How Metal Changed My Life by Jonathan Fortin

My short story Requiem in Frost is not exactly autobiographical. I’m not a Norwegian girl, and I’ve never lived in a house haunted by the ghost of an extreme metal musician. But there is an important facet that is taken fairly directly from my own life …

Requiem is the story of Ingrid, a fourteen-year-old girl who discovers music that speaks to her after finding it abrasive throughout her childhood. This was more or less my own experience growing up as a hypersensitive autistic boy. Bright sunlight hurt my eyes; my first time showering felt like needles were puncturing my back; I was disgusted by food that everyone else loved; and music made my ears hurt. That last one made me feel especially alone in the world; who didn’t like music? It didn’t help that my dad was a jazz guitar player, and my brother a drummer, whose drum set took up a big chunk of the room we shared. At school, the other kids blared hip-hop, the bass turned up so high that I felt its vibrations in my chest and temples—an uncomfortable, violating sensation that would render me unable to think or function.

As a result of all this, I considered music to be abrasive, inescapable noise that was forced upon me. I enjoyed certain movie soundtracks and didn’t mind the angsty punk rock that my brother introduced me to, but nothing really awakened my passion until I turned seventeen, and I decided to seek out music of my own. I was obsessed with Tim Burton movies, and had got it into my head that I was a goth, even though I had yet to dress the part or listen to the music associated with the subculture. My school didn’t have too many goths, so I took to the internet, asking online acquaintances for suggestions—some of which I liked, some of which I didn’t. Slowly, I expanded my musical knowledge, and was soon hooked on goth, industrial, and of course metal.

My exposure to extreme metal began, as it did for many in my generation, with Cradle of Filth. At seventeen, I was not yet accustomed to screamed or growled vocals, finding them as abrasive as high-bass hip-hop. The beautifully gothic music video for Cradle of Filth’s “Nymphetamine” changed that. It mixed Dani Filth’s (rather silly) growls with clean, angelic vocals from Liv Kristine and a sumptuous visual style. I was so taken by the aesthetic of the clip that I watched it over and over, slowly becoming desensitized to the growled vocals. From there I moved on to Dimmu Borgir’s symphonic epic “Progenies of the Great Apocalypse,” and shortly thereafter moved onto more traditional (or “proper”) black metal acts—eventually falling in love with the likes of Emperor and Immortal. Amongst seasoned black metal fans, Cradle of Filth and Dimmu Borgir are largely a joke. Both bands are cheesy and commercialized when compared to true black metal. But I think it’s important to realize that these bands can serve as a gateway to what many of us think of as better music.

Black metal doesn’t have the best reputation. Most “normal” people find it too abrasive to listen to; its history is full of suicide, church-burning, and murder; and there’s an unfortunate Neo Nazi contingent in the fandom. But for me, the dark music became a source of comfort and catharsis, its abrasions somehow healing, its barbarism somehow peaceful. It also became a source of community, allowing me to meet other people with similar interests and beliefs. I cannot understate what a hugely significant thing this was. Growing up, I didn’t have too many friends—I was awkward, shy, and didn’t have too much in common with my peers. Discovering my music allowed me to discover my people.

In other words, this dark, satanic music was a wholeheartedly positive influence on my life, and a big reason why I managed to grow up into a well-adjusted, high-functioning adult.

You’ll have to read Requiem in Frost to find out whether the same can be said for Ingrid.